Forevermore
~ the finale of Tore and Dave's Time Travel Adventure~
Snippet
Dave~~
Torie grabbed a bed pillow and hit me over the head with it
as I laughed at her.
“You ass,” she scolded me. “Are you sure you aren’t using
the alias ‘Disappointed in Detroit’
on Amazon and leaving me nasty reviews?”
“What?” I chuckled at her as she further tried to use the
pillow to suffocate me before she removed it and then tossed the photograph to
the nightstand and grabbed up her iPad.
She touched the screen and went to Amazon.com and typed in
her name, bringing up her novels and clicked on the reviews for Passion’s Fury, scrolling to one in
particular.
She read the review title, which was one word with several
exclamation points after it, “Seriously!!!” She began reading and then raised an eyebrow at me menacingly as she continued.
“By Disappointed in Detroit.’ ‘Torie
Mills must have gooey mush for brains if she believes that I’m buying this
syrupy load of crap she’s selling. Dashing Beau Gardner, beautiful Melody
Turner and the rest of the characters in this novel are SO unbelievable. They
are all the most beautiful, most handsome, with the whitest most gleaming
teeth, and the best lovers with the BIGGEST appendages and most perfect bodies.
Also no one EVER has a bad thought or does anything wrong. Doesn’t Ms. Mills
know that dentistry was unheard of as was ‘deodorant’ back then and that most
prostitutes such as Melody Turner would have died of syphilis or worse? Oh and
her graphic description of oral sex acts is not suitable for ANY readers under
twenty-one!”
“That is just sooo wrong!” I said trying to hold back a
laugh.
“Dave! It’s not funny!” Torie pouted. “And this one…”
She touched on a review for her sea-going adventure novel, Eternal Fire.
“Ships ahoy Matey!” she began and then hissed under her
breath. “I really hate that review title,” before she continued. “You best stop
reading here if you don’t want this sappy, sappy story spoiled. **Spoiler
Alert**—if Royce Colby is such a stud and all the women fall all over him then
why doesn’t perfect little Patience Halstrom seem to notice his bulging
yumminess? Also why does he seem to find her just SO irresistible and the most beautiful creature on earth when no
one else seems to see it? Oh and if she WAS
so irresistible, then why hadn’t the lord and master at the manor already
defiled her way before she ended up
unjustly accused and condemned as a thief? But No, little virginal Patience
sails off on that boat full of indentured servants and just happens to capture
the hunky captain’s attention? Give me a break! Oh and of course Miss Prissy Pure
Patience was just so perfect and virginal until Captain Wonderful and Hung Like A Horse made her a woman and turned her into a sexual
dynamo in bed. Blah, blah, blah. I am so sick of the predicable formula writing
of historical romances. Biggest waste of $10.99 this year!”
“Ouch!” I agreed. “That’s just harsh. I think I need to kick
someone’s butt. Was that ‘Disappointed in
Detroit’ again?”
“No, but they are all pretty much interchangeable,” Torie
said and broke into an amused chuckle.
“Yeah, but you got thousands of good reviews, Torie. Why do
you let a few bad ones get to you?”
“These stories are like my babies, Dave, and it stings a
little but it usually doesn’t bother me that much except that now I find that
you seem to also think, like these armchair reviewers do, that I have a flawed
perspective. Oh and this one for Where
Evil Lived,” she continued. “How Torie Mills can describe that sicko
bastard Mark Thompson as handsome and rugged as a Nordic Viking is beyond
me.”
“Now I happen to agree with that one,” I said pointing a
finger at her sternly. “That piece of shit had no redeeming qualities.”
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